Reflecting on where I am at the moment, I feel like I have moved some way from the project I was planning, however the peeping idea still dwells in my mind. I might not necessarily have to create a physical peephole within the work itself, this could be how the work is put together (as in Chen Shaoxiong’s Homescapes) or how it is exhibited rather than part of the image (as artists such as Pipilotti Rist have done, where in the gallery the visitor poke their heads inside a small space for an individualised viewing experience). I need to put more thought into this – the idea isn’t quite ready in my head. The very rough tests I carried out were not expensive – I bought a few large black boxes and used ordinary paper to test with – I haven’t ruled out continuing with this idea but can’t rush it.
The recent imagined landscapes project was an unusual turn for me. I don’t really know where it came from. I do like the images, both before and after editing, but it is just another part of my explorations and will no doubt have happened for a reason which will become clear to me in time. Sometimes, I don’t know until much later. Sometimes two or more projects work organically alongside each other, too, one helping the other to move along. Photography, though, is so rapid. It suits a world in which speed is an expectation, but instead, I feel that I am building slowly. (I don’t know what I am building) I am glad that the Masters allows freedom to experiment but also provides a framework, and a network through the discussions on Canvas; I tend to flounder more when I have no one to confer with. I appreciate the optional nature of the weekly tasks and I am participating in as many as I can.
This course is making me ask more questions of myself. I have been rather frustrated with myself of late. I wish sometimes that I could be less of a misfit, more social, and have a clear aim for myself, a clear interest in one subject to photograph perhaps. Unfortunately these are just wishes and I have to get by with what I have/who I am. Remoteness (of location and self) are feeding into what I do, naturally. My self-doubt keeps rising and falling – asking myself every so often what I am doing this for. I have always been like this, it’s just me. I question everything.
I have ideas in mind, but a lack of finance and time continue to trip me up. I am very familiar with operating on a shoestring. It is frustrating, however, a benefit of not having financial underpinning is that I must think more, as I cannot waste resources. At some point I know I need to create a printed portfolio / images for exhibition and I am having to think too about how I might pay for this.
My assignment deadlines are approaching, too. It was at this stage of the module that I created my oral presentation last time as I don’t see how I could make it any earlier; I am creating new images and exploring new ideas all the time. The trouble with leaving it late is the lack of time to work on the more technical aspects of putting it together and I inevitably put myself under pressure to meet the deadline. I am sure that I will do it, and just hope that the presentation will make some sense to others. Hopefully my CRJ is adequate, as I have contributed to it regularly. And then there is my portfolio in progress. This might be tricky for me as I have tangent-jumped throughout this module. I am still shooting so will think this week about what best to include.